long-term - open to short
I collected the mail,
took out the trash,
folded shirts warm from the dryer,
helped make the bed most mornings too.
I cooked dinner,
set the table,
washed dishes until my fingers pruned—
small, invisible kindnesses.
This is the quiet side of me,
the one only a few ever see.
I spent months starving myself,
just to take my shirt off at the beach,
aching for a body I could finally call my own.
I’ve never done a single thing for myself—
except everything I’ve ever done for myself.
I haven’t made resolutions yet this year, but I really want to.
I deleted Instagram in August (24’) and haven’t even thought about downloading it again.
My life would look so cool in pictures, but then again, never for me.
I’ve started exercising more,
eating clean, healthy food,
taking vitamins,
getting more sleep.
I feel a lot better.
I even stopped dating for a while.
My passport came recently, and this itch to explore is back.
I’m wondering if I should leave for a bit on my own terms.
Summer is right around the corner, and my roommates will be going back to their home countries.
But how can I pull myself away from NYC in the summer?
How can I justify leaving a beautiful apartment all to myself for four months?
I can’t.
My heart will be shaped and reshaped,
but in the end, it will still be yours.
Lately, my love language has been cooking.
I’ve been cooking a lot for my roommates—literally all three meals a day.
And snacks in between.
Give me the Best Roommate Award already.
Breakfast.
Lunch.
Dinner.
Snacks.
We have a beautiful kitchen (by NYC standards), and it’s hard not to use it.
Even with so many restaurants and incredible food around, I’ve been spending every Sunday at local markets, collecting random ingredients and turning them into something fun.
When everyone was gone (Germany and Albania), I invited a few of the girls I’d been dating—or on first dates with—over for dinner.
My offer was simple: Let me cook for you.
Most of them said yes.
Everyone left with a full stomach and a warm heart. That’s all I really wanted.
I missed cooking in a romantic way—not for someone I’m into, exactly.
More for someone I find attractive?
I haven’t really been into anyone lately.
Just into the way they look.
Anyway.
It’s 5:58 PM- Tuesday.
We just ordered groceries for the weekend.
My roommate (G) is applying for new jobs, and I’ve been helping him with that—it’s been fun.
We’re tossing around the idea of moving to California when the lease ends in April. Everyone’s on board except (M), so we’ll see what happens.
Random thoughts:
I quit nicotine. It’s been 10 days, and I honestly feel amazing.
Better sleep, less grogginess when I wake up.
My —— is like... hard all the time? (Not sure if it’s related, but yeah.)
Way more energy and motivation.
Skin and hair feel and look better.
No more headaches or weird pressure behind my eyes.
I just feel good. I feel really good.
So, i’ll end with this.
a quick one-
I can’t rationalize my love.
My heart has its reasons,
Which reason knows nothing of.
I know the truth of my heart—
Not through reason alone,
But through the heart itself.
Love you!
c
